I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
