I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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