Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
