That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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