can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
