Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
