your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
