I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is it because I queefed?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
