sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
