i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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