I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
