We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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