Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
