ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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