thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
