I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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