Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
