ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Are we still banned from the library?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Randomize
