Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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