My cat gives me a boner
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
