As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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