....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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