Screwed.edu
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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