I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
