I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
