I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
