so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
