Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
