I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
