i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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