i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
