Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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