when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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