I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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