I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
