for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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