I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hippo gnu deer
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
