That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
