dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
