The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
