I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
