So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
