I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
