1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just had sex bonerless
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
