Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
