I got chris browned last night
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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