I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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