so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
