You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
