I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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