Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
