We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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